I’m not good at persuasion. I often get pushback and disagreement with the ideas I advocate. But, while I’m not good, I’m less bad than I used to be. I’ve learned a few things in that time.

Years ago I had a 1:1 with my then-boss. I had been mulling over an idea for weeks, and I was finally ready to talk about it. I pitched it to him. He had some questions, and we talked it through. And then… he wasn’t convinced. It’s not that he thought it was a bad idea. He just wasn’t ready to say it was a good enough idea that I should go and do. I was frustrated. How did he not see what a good idea it was. Then I had an epiphany. It took me six weeks to come to a conclusion, and I was expecting him to make that same journey in twenty minutes? The lesson I took away was that it takes time for people to get comfortable with an idea. You can’t rush them through the process.

Another lesson I’ve learned is that people need to hear an idea multiple times. As much as we might like to believe that facts only need to be stated once, it’s just not true. Repetition matters. Repeating an idea increases familiarity. When people hear an idea more times, they’re more comfortable with it, and they’re more able to conceive of it becoming a reality. This one is difficult for me, because I’m often worried about pushing too hard and coming on too strong, but I might be overcompensating. The important thing here is spacing it out. Take a break between repetitions. Days, weeks, sometimes months. And talk about other things; don’t just be about one thing.

Another tactic I’ve learned is ineffective is dropping the bomb. I blame television and movies, where in some dramatic scene our hero shocks and awes the audience and converts them to a hitherto unthinkable point of view. That’s not drama, that’s fantasy. You don’t want to introduce a new idea to decision-makers in a group setting. Group dynamics favor conservatism. Group discussions can easily get lost in the weeds. Discussions in general often lose a sense of proportion, but it’s harder to regain control in a group than one on one. Before the group discussion, talk to the stakeholders one at a time. Understand what they care about, what they need. Outline your idea. Get their feedback. Understand their concerns and disagreements and try to adapt. If it works, then you can go into the meeting with everything lined up. If it doesn’t, it’ll be frustrating, but it won’t be nearly as frustrating as swinging and missing in front of a dozen people.

It’s frustrating to have to do all this “extra” work. Why can’t they just get it? I don’t know, but I have a clue based on how easily I am persuaded of things, which is to say, not very easily. It’s just hard. People take time to adjust to new ideas (see above), they need to become familiar with them them, and they’re conservative, social animals who behave differently in groups than they do on their own. You can’t change any of that. But you can change whether you’re going to attempt the easy route of ineffective tactics, or whether you’ll grind out the extra effort needed to actually have a chance at succeeding.